When you’re in a relationship, you want to do everything you can for your partner. When you’re in love, you’d move heaven and earth to make your partner smile. But when does this become dangerous, as opposed to romantic?
Unfortunately, there are people out there that seek to use and abuse the trust and devotion of their significant other. They ask for seemingly small things one at a time until they build up into a terrifying crescendo of toxicity and emotional abuse that is very difficult to break free from.
It’s important that you are aware of the difference between a reasonable request and a controlling, manipulative one. That way, you can catch any harmful ones and nip them in the bud before they grow out of control.
HERE ARE 10 THINGS YOUR PARTNER SHOULD NEVER ASK YOU FOR
1. ISOLATION FROM YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS
Each person in a relationship should have their own lives outside of the partnership – friends, family, or any other kind of social group that is separate from their partner’s. They should not be made to feel like they have to cut themselves off and rely on their partner alone. This is extremely unhealthy and leads to codependency.
A partner who tries to cut you off from those you care about is exhibiting a form of emotional abuse. They are forcing you to depend only on them and keeping you to themselves. It’s jealous, controlling, and toxic. They may say convincing things, such as: (1)
- But I don’t get to spend any time with you anymore! (Even when you spend a lot of time with them already.)
- I don’t trust that friend of yours. I’m pretty sure they’re backstabbing you.
- Your mother is toxic; don’t you see that? I’m just looking out for you!
- I’m just not comfortable with you having male/female friends.
- None of your friends like you anyway.
It’s not unusual for a partner to dislike the occasional person in your life. Not everyone is going to get along. They are more than welcome to talk to you about their worries regarding someone in your life; however, they must respect that, at the end of the day, it is your decision who you keep in your life.
2. LACK OF PRIDE IN YOUR OWN SUCCESS
Partners are supposed to support each other and lift each other up. They are supposed to celebrate together and be proud of each other. If your partner is telling you that you shouldn’t or don’t deserve to be proud, or that you should tone it down a notch, that’s a big red flag.
When you’re in a relationship, you want to do everything you can for your partner. When you’re in love, you’d move heaven and earth to make your partner smile. But when does this become dangerous, as opposed to romantic?
Unfortunately, there are people out there that seek to use and abuse the trust and devotion of their significant other. They ask for seemingly small things one at a time until they build up into a terrifying crescendo of toxicity and emotional abuse that is very difficult to break free from.
It’s important that you are aware of the difference between a reasonable request and a controlling, manipulative one. That way, you can catch any harmful ones and nip them in the bud before they grow out of control.
3. FORGIVENESS FOR TOXIC BEHAVIORS
No partner is perfect. At some point, your partner will slip up and wrong you. But if their immediate reaction when you call them out on the problem is to deflect blame or make excuses, you’re in trouble. A partner like this might say things like:
- I didn’t mean to do it! Can’t you just forget it, already?
- Come on, it’s not a big deal. Let it go.
- You made me do this!
In these cases, they may be asking you to forgive and overlook actions like:
- Violence
- Unwarranted outbursts
- Cheating
- Invasions of personal privacy
- Violation of boundaries
Should you hold a grudge forever? No, of course not; you have to either move forward in the relationship or decide to break up. It’s not fair to hold a mistake against someone forever.
But, at the same time, you should not feel forced or guilt-tripped into forgiving and forgetting too quickly – and you definitely shouldn’t be asked to overlook toxicity. Instead, work together to overcome the problem with positive thinking.
4. TO BE IN THE MIDDLE
You’re not your partner’s errand-servant. You’re not there to solve their problems on your own so they can avoid them. If a partner continuously asks you to take on a middleman role, tread carefully. Here are a couple of situations where you might find yourself in the middle.
A) PICKING SIDES
A partner may get into a disagreement with someone you know and force you to pick a side. While you will likely support your partner because of your loyalty to them, the choice should still be up to you in the end and you shouldn’t be pressured into agreeing with them.
B) PASSING MESSAGES
Does your partner ask you to help them communicate with their friends or family members? Are you constantly asked to be the one to pass messages to others on their behalf, so they don’t have to face the consequences? This simply isn’t fair on you.
C) CHOOSING THEM
A toxic partner will say something like: “It’s either me or them!” In essence, they try to force you to choose either something/someone you care for very much or your relationship. This is a form of blackmail and cannot be looked upon in any positive way.
5. QUITTING OR CHANGING YOUR JOB
Some partners may feel insecure about the fact that you earn more or similar to them. Conversely, if you earn less than them, they may think negatively of you for not earning enough. Either way, these are toxic thoughts to have – and when acted on, they are especially damaging.