How does a man know his testosterone levels aren’t what they used to be? Low libido, or loss of sex drive, can spur men to visit their doctor. In fact, it's one of the most common reasons men get their testosterone levels checked, according to research in the January 2015 issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Although low testosterone is commonly treated with testosterone replacement therapy, medical intervention isn’t the only way to rekindle sexual desire. Getting your groove back could also stem from exercising more, losing weight, and finding fun ways to reconnect with your partner.
Start by Getting the Right Diagnosis
Successfully treating any condition starts by getting an accurate diagnosis. “The first thing I want to do is take a step back and ask, ‘Who says you have low T’?” says urologist Kevin T. McVary, MD, professor and chairman of urology at the Southern Illinois University School of Medicine in Springfield.
If you’re experiencing symptoms of low testosterone, including low libido, you doctor can assess your testosterone levels with a simple blood test in order to confirm the diagnosis. The Endocrine Society recommends that testing be done in the morning, when testosterone levels tend to be highest.
Next, Take Charge of Your Health
Once you’ve confirmed that your low sex drive is due to low testosterone and not another health condition, you can try these steps to improve low libido through lifestyle choices:
- Exercise. Getting at least 200 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity a week leads to improvement in sexual performance and testosterone levels, according to a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2013.
- Lose weight. This is especially important if you're obese, says urologist Rena Malik, MD, of the University of Chicago Medical Center and co-author of the 2015 Journal of Sexual Medicine study. Similarly, when researchers talked to men about overcoming low sexual desire, they found that having less abdominal fat correlated with improved desire, according to a Journal of Sexual Medicine study published in 2014.
- Control your diet. In a study of obese men with type 2 diabetes, cutting about 600 calories a day by following a low-fat, high-protein, moderate-carbohydrate diet was effective in improving sexual desire, according to research in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2011.
- Tackle any substance abuse. Although research on sexual desire and substance abuse is limited, Dr. McVary says that men with low sexual desire should consider their use of legal and illegal substances, including smoking and drinking more than a moderate amount of alcohol. Quitting might improve libido, he says.
- Review your medications. Side effects and interactions of prescription and over-the-counter drugs could be contributing to loss of desire. Talk to your doctor to see if any of your current medications might be affecting your sex drive.
- Talk to a therapist. Emotional factors as well as physical factors can impact your libido. A loss of desire is more likely among men who have lost a spouse, are unemployed or have low income, or have retired, researchers reported in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2014. Talk to a therapist if you are having a hard time coping with major life stressors.
Find Your New Intimacy
The perceived pressure to be instantly ready for sex can make coping with lost desire difficult, according to sex and intimacy expert Lori Brotto, PhD, a psychologist and associate professor in the obstetrics and gynecology department at the University of British Columbia in Canada. “Men are accustomed to a strong, robust response,” she says. “This is where the solution becomes personalized. What is arousing for you? Is it touch, visual, taking a bath or a shower? Is it dancing?”
With that in mind, try these strategies:
- Communicate. Talk to your partner to let her know that your low libido isn’t because of her. Discuss solutions. Ask what is appealing to her and whether you would both benefit from working with a sex therapist, suggests Rose Hartzell-Cushanick, PhD, EdS, a sexual health educator and therapist with San Diego Sexual Medicine in California.
- Plan ahead. “Planning doesn’t have to be unsexy,” Brotto says. Enjoy the time you spend planning your date night and the new strategies that will arouse you.
- Touch. “Try to engage in non-demand touch,” Hartzell-Cushanick says. Cuddling, stroking, massage, and other types of gentle touch that connect you with your partner can lead to arousal.
- Be active together. “Exercising together is great. You appreciate your body more,” says Mary Lynn, DO, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology and co-director of the Sexual Wellness Clinic at Loyola University in Maywood, Ill. “Our clinic even has a program to teach couples yoga."
- Fantasize. When researchers compared the effects of reading a sexual story, fantasizing on your own, and writing down your own sexual fantasy, they found that unstructured fantasy led to the largest increase in desire. Yet all three options increased desire more than doing nothing, according to the study, published in 2012 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
“Rediscovering your relationship again really helps. Just focusing on touching more, date nights, and simply making time for your partner are all good,” Dr. Lynn says. “One of the most important things is to use I-language instead of you-language and don’t find fault with what is going on.” For example, you might say, “I feel embarrassed about my low sex drive. Can we cuddle for awhile and see how it goes?”